Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
