She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
