Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
