I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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