Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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