Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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