i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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