My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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