So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
