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my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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