So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
