im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
