Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
