Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
