The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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