Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize