A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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