I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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