Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
