i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
