when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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