If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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