So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
