I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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