i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
