please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
