I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
