i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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