worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
