there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
