You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
