remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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