I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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