I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
