He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
