It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
