I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
