I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize