I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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