he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
