I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's get the cat blown out
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
