Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
