btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
