You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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