mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
