What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
