I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
