You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
