Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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