i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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