my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Everything about him screamed your future.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
