I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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