we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
