No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize