Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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