Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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