There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
