Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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