**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
