Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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