He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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