There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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